On the road to comprehending the beauty that is Islam, I came across plenty of questions. It’s rare when someone can reply logically. I’ve always questioned the reason behind fasting. When confronted, some respond with “..to feel like those that are less fortunate” and “..because God said so”; responses that just don’t make sense. If it’s about the less fortunate, then why do they fast as well? Fasting isn’t just about food and water; it’s about fasting from every day things like gossip, superficiality, hating on others. It’s a time to reflect on our actions, thoughts and spirituality. What if I do those things and choose to eat and drink? Why would that ruin my fast? What if I don’t eat/drink but talk about people all day, hate on others, lie and so forth would I still be considered fasting?
My fiancé gave me a lecture because I had makeup while fasting. I thought it was pretty backwards thinking. I didn’t have heavy makeup on and I don’t believe that makeup would break my fast. That caused a major fight – he believes that ‘I know nothing’ regarding religion. I believe that there are some rules that society places on religion where the thin line separating fact from fiction is blurred.
Plus doesn’t fasting mean to abstain from food? I think it’s all about food but I think we can drink and smoke! I’m just kidding. I still don’t fast from the heart though and find it easier to break it for juvenile reasons just to have an excuse for others. Maybe one day I will understand…right now, I just follow till I do.
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips." - Charles Dickens
I'm very proud of myself. Never thought I was the cooking type or would take any joy in creating anything edible. Today - ladies and gentlemen-I surprised myself and made garlic mashed potatoes-not the instant kind either, from scratch!! Silly as it might be, it produced a certain high to see people devouring it. Potluck iftars are fun (only when the food is good though!).
Haven't been here in a minute, was giving up on blogging but something drew me back. A lot has happened - I took a risk and completely changed my field and am much happier, will get into updates later. Expect a new post once a week. I wish I would've met the NYC bloggers but death seems to follow me - let's just hope it doesn't catch up anytime soon.
So dissapointed how no one really reads my blogs. There are more important things in the world and better blogs but i feel like the girl in hs no one wanted to hang out with. *sigh*. Although I did not create this blog for anyone but myself. Comments and such help me gain more insight to the situation. I can't just read someones blog without the comments.
I'm back home in nyc. Feels good yet different. Air is cleaner. Stood gobsmacked at Walgreens staring at all the new drinks they have now (its hard enough finding sugar free red bull in egypt).
Am down to meet fellow new york bloggers. Since im only here for 2 weeks and I need to go out and about to get my mind off of things.
For the past two days, I’ve been having constant nightmares and all I want to do is sleep. A lot has been happening. Went to an engagement party over the weekend and drank a bit too much. Don’t know why my throat was on fire the next day but assumed it was the fact that I smoked so much as well. Been home recovering ever since. Felt like I was getting old. At 22, I drank like I was tara reid and was only tipsy. Now I’m 28, and a few vodkas can get me wasted in no time.
My sister called me Saturday. My uncle passed away. It was sudden. He was home alone and his daughters found him lying on the floor. They were here on vacation and left early. They hadn’t even gotten a chance to see him. They arrived Thursday and were supposed to see him Sunday but they found him dead Saturday afternoon. Cause of death is assumed to be a heart attack. I’ve never heard my mom cry so hard. She’s a strong woman and I can count the times she’s cried on one hand. I was heartbroken. I leave tomorrow to be by her side.
I react strangely to death. Always wondering what’s next. My uncle didn’t pray but he was a good person and I don’t see that because of one thing he would go to hell. I once read that it was all about intention in Islam. I don’t believe a lot of what people say here about religion. I see it as being passed down and mixed with culture. I believe politics plays a role as well. For instance, I do not believe that its haram for men to wear gold because its imitating a woman. In my humble opinion, Gods words were deeper and he was referring to transsexuals not men who wear Gold. I am still trying to understand and death always seems to remind me that there is more out there to ponder on.
I was extremely sad yesterday. I had to call my cousins and tell them. Z (my fiancé), supported me as much as he can. He’s not good at things like that. He’s not the best listener. He always wants to solve things, can’t shut up and just let me vent.
Later that night, he goes on discussing cheating and how I would react. I’ve told him that is one thing I would never take, no matter how many kids we have or if we’re getting married the next day. I would walk out of that relationship and never look back. He finds this strange but I have no respect for cheaters. I’ve never been burned and refuse to start now. I do not respect men who give into their weaknesses. Plus I feel that its all a choice. There are no mistakes in life, just bad choices. There is always a moment in time when you can choose to give in or choose to be strong. Therefore, if he cheated, he chose to let me go. He said something that was no expected. “Asl ana kont a3ed bafakar, we mashoof wa7da mozza, bafakar,de law gatlee…khilsit” (When I see a hot girl I think if this girl hits on me, that’s it, I’m up for it) I was taken back, he noticed. Almost bit his head off but then he used the excuse of “I had the chance before, but didn’t do shit”. Let me give you a background:
1) 4 months into our relationship, his x fiancée calls him, hysterical-her guy cheated on her. Z and her start talking again, then he tells her that he’s still unsure of me and confides in her things he hasn’t even told me at this point. Her being the conniving* bitch ‘listens’ and offers support while they later on joke how they should run away and get married (* They broke up because they were too different and she did the ultimate and dated one of his closest friends – Z forgave her and she continued to play on his kindness after every failed relationship she would run to him, he was her backup plan I guess). 2) I flipped when he told me that, I felt disrespected but let it by after he apologized. I asked him not to speak to her again because there is no point leading her on. She obviously had feelings for him. That part of his life was over and I didn’t want it seeping in when I was in the picture. 3) He respected it and told her to back off and haven’t heard about her since. 5 months later, coincidentally, we ran into her, with his “close friend” (that guy she dated after Z and her broke up) She used to tell Z she hated him so much because he was the reason Z and her would never be together. Z being the kind one always blamed his friend more. Although obviously the bitch knew what she was doing. 4) 2 months later, she calls Z out of the blue…needs advice on which car to get. (bullshit excuse of course) and I didn’t like it cause I thought she was just testing the waters. 1 week later (yesterday of ALL days-while I’m grieving over my uncle) she calls him in the morning (they work at the same company) Z and his friend meet her for breakfast. I was fuming. He knows how I feel about her and was so inconsiderate. I feel stupid. I’m home sad about our loss and worried about my mom and he’s socializing with his X fiancé and knows how much I hate the situation. His reaction at first was: grow up. It’s not that I’m jealous (obviously I am a bit) but it’s the fact that he wasn’t considerate. Why are you going to be friends with someone who treated you that way, went for your friend, plays mind games and tries to see how you feel every few months? She disgusts me. He just saw it as an innocent breakfast. He then saw my view on it and said he was wrong. But he does that after everything.
When will he ever decide not to do something instead of doing it then realizing the error? He says he thinks first then acts on it but I still don’t see it.
I don’t trust him because of that situation and another that happened a while back. An old F-buddy called him for some action before her move to dubai J and they reminisced about their sexual adventures and he got turned on but turned her down but of course doesn’t see anything wrong in remaining her friend (he’s the type that doesn’t like to be told what to do but wants to do it on his own). I’m so ‘arfana mino’. I’m blowing it all out of proportion because I built up and didn’t let things go but when I get mad it all floods into me.
Maybe I am blowing it out of proportion at the moment? Had a dream that he cheated on me with some hookers, he wanted me to forgive him but was cold in the dream; I went and told mom and my sis. My mom asked me if I thought he was my soul mate and if he made my heart ‘sing’ (corny a bit-‘twas a dream though). I couldn’t tell her yes because I was so hurt and angry. I broke it off with him. Woke up feeling angry and heart felt raw from pain. Don’t know if that was a premonition or just my fears taking over.
I'm debating going back to school for grad studies. Of course I'd be going to AUC because of work. I'd either be doing my MBA or Masters in English with a concentration in TEFL.
I am having a lot of self doubt. I changed my mind regarding my career so many times, that the clock is ticking, and I'm still thinking about 'what I wanna be when I grow up'.
Originally I wanted law (criminal). But was forced into computer science. After I was done, thought I'd go for my masters in comp sci and went to polytech but dropped out because it wasn't hands on (too many theories).
I was a programmer then went into web design. The computer field is just too antisocial. I'm in a rut. Should I go for my MBA or my MA? I'm scared of failing. I feel like I've already failed at having a decent career. I dropped out of my first masters. I don't want to keep giving up.
I want to go to dubai in the future so maybe an MBA would be better there.
Saw the "The Yacoubian Building" last night. I was quite disappointed. The book is much better. I liked Sherifs’ breakdown regarding the movie, quite informative. I liked Adel Imam but thought someone like hussein or mostafa fahmy would've fit the role better. I didn't like mohamed imam as Taha. He didn't fit the part. His role in the book was better, from the movie i would not understand what made him fall into terrorism. It just happened. In my humble opinion, the book touches on different levels of societal rejection and consequences on those involved. Zaki bey eldessouki :(The aristocrat) The revolution brought upon the demise of Egypt. Those who lived in peace, had money, and power, watched it all taken away from them. They were left with nothing but memories of what was.
Taha: Rejected by the academy because his father is a doorman, looked down upon by the building residents and only found solace and acceptance in a terrorist cell.
Bosayna: Morals swayed by the majority. Another victim to sexual exploitation.
Dawlat: Gives true meaning to the Egyptian mother in law (7ama)
Ahh and who can forget Hatim El Rashid (loved his role in the movie as well): Parents neglectfulness leads him to find love with his Nubian servant. All he wanted was love. Although his character is the most controversial in today’s society, i found him the purest of all.
All these characters are forced, at one point or another, to make choices that ultimately result in either their downfall or redemption.
Minor details were left out so as not to ruin the book/movie for whomever reads this post.